O.K., I will admit it here... "Hi, my name is Scott and I am a 'Movie-Re-Run-Addict'...", PHEW, there, it's out there... I can move on... I can talk about my addiction and how it puts phrases, or quotes in my head that run over and over again, like one of those annoying song-lyrics that affect most people.
Those who know me well enough can probably make a list of the 'Top Ten Movies That Scott Will Be Bound To Be Caught Watching', sorry, that is my addiction.
I this particular entry, it is that memorable scene from The Shawshank Redemption, and the quote comes from 'Red', played by Morgan Freeman - "Either get busy LIVING or get busy DYING."
For those of us who have been in the fight against cancer, in particular, we get to a point after all the tests, surgeries, recovery, treatments, side-effects and healing that we suddenly find our selves at one of life's many crossroads.
That reminds me of the final scene of Castaway (see the list mentioned above!) where Tom Hanks, in the roll of 'Chuck Noland', finds himself in his Jeep, alone, again - after suffering alone on his island for 3 years - and faced, yet again with a simple choice, the unknown to the left, or the unknown to the right, all he knows is he has to move on to somewhere.
It's like that with cancer. As a patient, all I hope for is that I will get to the end of my battle and be lucky enough to be HAVE choices, of where to go or what to do - that is the reward for my struggle and suffering, the simple ability to go on, move on to another day, to do. Simply to do. What or where I do whatever it is, really doesn't matter. And then we get there. I had recently reached that point where the choice is to be made - and on any levels it is almost as scary as the post-diagnosis - pre-treatment period (see previous posts).
In the past year or so, I had healed, been through treatment and gotten healthy enough to return to work and to move on with my life. Confident that I had once again made it through another struggling time, and that maybe, just maybe, I would find myself ON life's train instead of strapped to the tracks in front of it.
I was moving along, almost forgetting that ever important statement, 'once a cancer patient always a cancer patient'. Time passes, the cancer and it's implications, and it's pain, fade, fade, fade...until I got to the point where I was back into the 'normal' patterns of life - dealing with work, home, bills, kids, a spouse, schedules, events, plans for the future - the comfortable part, then, out of nowhere, like a sucker punch in a bar that I knew was coming, but didn't want to admit, <WHAM!!!!> I get laid off from my job (see my OTHER BLOG - www.shockinglyunemployed.blogspot.com for this ongoing story).
Zip forward on the disc of life and you get to today, November, 30th, 2011 and I get the news that my CAT scan from yesterday reveals a growing tumor in my lung, and three in my liver. FUCK!!!
As I sat in my chair flipping through the movie channels, trying to process this new event, I run across another of my favorite movies, 'Rocky Balboa' (the last of the Rocky Movies - so far) "But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." Yeah, Rocky. Easy for YOU to say.
But, as I sit in my moping chair, I realize that, in my head, I am right back where I was about a year ago. Knocked down, punched, breathing hard, bleeding, looking up at the Cancer beast -chuckling in a neutral corner, waiting, just waiting for me to give in. That is when I here them all at once; Red, Chuck, Rocky and finally Micky yelling at me, "Get up! You son-of-a-bitch! I didn't hear no bell!!" So, I do. I get up out of my chair and make a couple phone calls to people who have always been in my corner, letting them know once again, that I am in the fight, and with hard work on my end, and their support -as always - I have decide to GET BUSY LIVING....
So, here we go again......
Those who know me well enough can probably make a list of the 'Top Ten Movies That Scott Will Be Bound To Be Caught Watching', sorry, that is my addiction.
I this particular entry, it is that memorable scene from The Shawshank Redemption, and the quote comes from 'Red', played by Morgan Freeman - "Either get busy LIVING or get busy DYING."
For those of us who have been in the fight against cancer, in particular, we get to a point after all the tests, surgeries, recovery, treatments, side-effects and healing that we suddenly find our selves at one of life's many crossroads.
That reminds me of the final scene of Castaway (see the list mentioned above!) where Tom Hanks, in the roll of 'Chuck Noland', finds himself in his Jeep, alone, again - after suffering alone on his island for 3 years - and faced, yet again with a simple choice, the unknown to the left, or the unknown to the right, all he knows is he has to move on to somewhere.
It's like that with cancer. As a patient, all I hope for is that I will get to the end of my battle and be lucky enough to be HAVE choices, of where to go or what to do - that is the reward for my struggle and suffering, the simple ability to go on, move on to another day, to do. Simply to do. What or where I do whatever it is, really doesn't matter. And then we get there. I had recently reached that point where the choice is to be made - and on any levels it is almost as scary as the post-diagnosis - pre-treatment period (see previous posts).
In the past year or so, I had healed, been through treatment and gotten healthy enough to return to work and to move on with my life. Confident that I had once again made it through another struggling time, and that maybe, just maybe, I would find myself ON life's train instead of strapped to the tracks in front of it.
I was moving along, almost forgetting that ever important statement, 'once a cancer patient always a cancer patient'. Time passes, the cancer and it's implications, and it's pain, fade, fade, fade...until I got to the point where I was back into the 'normal' patterns of life - dealing with work, home, bills, kids, a spouse, schedules, events, plans for the future - the comfortable part, then, out of nowhere, like a sucker punch in a bar that I knew was coming, but didn't want to admit, <WHAM!!!!> I get laid off from my job (see my OTHER BLOG - www.shockinglyunemployed.blogspot.com for this ongoing story).
Zip forward on the disc of life and you get to today, November, 30th, 2011 and I get the news that my CAT scan from yesterday reveals a growing tumor in my lung, and three in my liver. FUCK!!!
As I sat in my chair flipping through the movie channels, trying to process this new event, I run across another of my favorite movies, 'Rocky Balboa' (the last of the Rocky Movies - so far) "But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." Yeah, Rocky. Easy for YOU to say.
But, as I sit in my moping chair, I realize that, in my head, I am right back where I was about a year ago. Knocked down, punched, breathing hard, bleeding, looking up at the Cancer beast -chuckling in a neutral corner, waiting, just waiting for me to give in. That is when I here them all at once; Red, Chuck, Rocky and finally Micky yelling at me, "Get up! You son-of-a-bitch! I didn't hear no bell!!" So, I do. I get up out of my chair and make a couple phone calls to people who have always been in my corner, letting them know once again, that I am in the fight, and with hard work on my end, and their support -as always - I have decide to GET BUSY LIVING....
So, here we go again......
