Sleepless Nights and Poetry

PATIENT NOTE : So, what keeps patients up at night? How is it that many of us can never seem to get to sleep without the need for the little white pills? Oh, hell, I don't know... Probably has something to do with all the stuff that we face as we deal with. Everything from positive to negative emotions. Worries, concerns, joys and failures. Many times I, at least, don't feel that what I deal with is any more than what people who aren't stricken with a disease, so I sometimes feel that my droning on about my condition is some how redundant. I am sure that I am not the only cancer patient with sleepless nights... sometimes stress or worry induced, sometimes side-effect reduced, either way it's a real pain when you can't seem to not off until the clock strikes three, so what do we do? As mentioned, the little pills help - I avoid them if possible because I take about 20 pills already in the course of a day and don't want to add any more stuff to the mix. Besides, the pills dull my senses and really seem to do little good to push away the issues anyway, they are still there when I finally wake up.

What I HAVE been noticing though is that these hours of silent wakefulness in the dark seem to have my heade filled with ideas; ideas for paintings, ideas for projects, ideas of how to help other people, ideas for blog posts (!), and I have taken to keeping the proverbial notebook, pen and flashlight (so as not to wake my wonderful wife!) next to my bed so that I can scratch them down in the night, before I fall asleep (when ever that happens), so that I don't lose them.

So, here, instead of a long metaphorical story, are a series of Haikus... Why the hell Haikus kept popping into my head last night,  your guess is as good as mine. Since I was too tired to titel them, they are just numbered instead, in the order that they came to me.... 

#1

Pen on table waits

Nightmind cannot shut down

The words must come out

#2

Bags hang from above

Tubing brings expected death

To invasive cells

#3

A word that scares all

Yields love from all directions

My heart leaps with joy

#4

Attackers have strange names

Defenders equally so

We all hope for cure

#5

Night is when fear comes

Roll over for loving touch

She is always there

#6

Drip drip the drugs

All I can do is sit here

Watching the birds fly

#7

Inside my body

The Battle goes on each day

A battle unseen

#8

Sometimes darkness rules

I cannot shake the sadness

Can you hold my hand?

#9

Count down or count up

You will really never know

I smell coffee brew

#10

Good days too I have

Wife smiles, kids smile too

Their love keep me here

#11

Chemo drips down slow

Test results are never fast

The results are in

#12

Chemo kills bad cells

Healthy ones fall victim too

My fingers suffer

#13

When hope seems to fail

I turn to a pleasing place

Cook up some fine food

#14

When it comes my time

What will people remember

I hope 'a good man'

#15

When I need rest

My dogs and cats know it too

Cuddle for a nap

#16 

Senses are intense

An aroma triggers thought

Perfume, Bacon, Paint

#17

Sometimes on canvas

I can let my feelings flow

Joy, Pain, throw brushstrokes

#18

I wake before all

I walk the house, listening

The sleepers calm me

Whew, wow. Got all that out of my head last night. It feels good to get it out here.